October 1, 2023

Contra Mare

Slick Healthy

Grief and Loss – Anger and Anxiety Fueled by Grief Can Be Overcome

THOUGHTS ARE THINGS “All that we are is a result of what we have thought” Buddha 563BC-483BC.

When we are grieving for the loss of someone we love, it is easy to focus on the absolute negative of the situation. I know from experience that this is what happens. We think ‘why me?’ ‘why now?’ ‘what happens next?” and we are consumed with anger and anxiety on top of the grief. There is no easy way to get over this but consider the following.

Every single thing in life starts with a thought. Somewhere I read that we have 60,000 thoughts a day – most of them random having nothing to do with what’s going on around us at the time.

Some of those thoughts will be directed at what we are currently doing – my writing this article for instance. But many just float through our minds leaving no imprint or lasting impression.

But if we have suffered a devastating loss, almost all of our thoughts will be directed at that loss. What if you could harness some of those thoughts and direct them towards learning to cope with your grief and loss? I am not suggesting that you monitor every thought you have. That’s not feasible but try the following exercise: Monitor your thoughts for a day. Start first thing in the morning. What are your waking thoughts? Absolute desolation and misery when you remember your loss? Write down the thoughts. Then at regular intervals through the day (every 2 or 3 hours say) note down what you have been primarily thinking about. Are these thoughts helping you to come to terms with your grief?

We know that we attract to ourselves that which we think about most. If your thoughts are mostly negative you perpetuate the feelings of anger and anxiety brought about by the loss. Did these thoughts take over?

In her book “Love the Life You Live” Anne Hartley says “Our thoughts, words and deeds are the energy source we use to create what we want or don’t want.” So be aware of your thoughts and if you find yourself mainly thinking negatively, try to change these thoughts. ‘That’s easier said than done’ I hear you say. But as with all the things you have ever done, the more you practise the easier it becomes.

And now I have found a program that will definitely help you. The author has experienced tragedy and has overcome it, or at least worked her way through to now being able to live a full life. Through the program she will guide you step by step on your own journey back to a ‘normal’ life.